Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
