We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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