i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
