put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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