Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
