Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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