I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
