if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
