i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
