I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just threw up on my dentist
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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