btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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