i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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