If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
