i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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