Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
