You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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