yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
