She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
