i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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