On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
