You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
