Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
