Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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