My liver just broke up with me...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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