its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
