Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
