I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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