Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
