her vagine was all disorganized.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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