Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
