it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
