Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
