My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize