Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
