Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
