The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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