its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
