Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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