So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
