I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
