Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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