I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
