we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
