So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
