i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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