i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
