my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I did not marry a roomba.
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