the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The air was thick with penises
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
