I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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