But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
