i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
