My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
