I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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