I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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