Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
