Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
