I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
