You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
