I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
