I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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