It's like God shit irony all over that family
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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