i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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