Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize