I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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