and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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