im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
