I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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